A friend asked me tonight what I would advise her to do/say for a friend who just lost a baby. As I wrote her back I thought it might be a good thing to put out here on the blog.

Everyone is different, of course, but I wanted people to talk to me about it. Don't be afraid that bringing it up will upset her, she's already thinking about it. And will be every day for a long time. Don't be afraid to 'make' her cry, and cry with her. I liked telling my story of what it was like finding out she was gone, meeting her, saying goodbye. I was glad to have people who were okay with me thinking it just sucked, not acting like I should move on at any given point. Put a note on your calendar to remind you of this day next year, to tell her you remember her little one.

My favorite books were Holding On To Hope by Nancy Guthrie, Losing You Too Soon by Bernadette Keaggy, and I'll Hold You In Heaven by Jack Hayford. I couldn't read them for many months though.

Not that you have to get her a gift, but if a group wanted to, I love this figurine. It's how I imagine Charlotte looking in Heaven. Happiness. I'm sure they have a boy figurine that would be appropriate, too, if she knew what it was. I like having something at the house that reminds me of her. My mom also bought me some teardrop shaped earrings in Charlotte's birthstone, and I have done the same for a friend.

The fact that you care enough to ask means you will be a great friend through this. There's nothing perfect to say or do. Get some people to bring food, run errands, etc. She will make it past the worst, and some day to a new normal, and if she opens herself to God's working, will be stronger because of it. I know that I am.