A month or so ago I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. As I was updating them on my life, they pointed out that we were going for a new job for Andy, a new house, new baby, and new car all at about the same time. I hadn't thought about it all together like that, and suddenly I realized how stressed I should be! I wasn't feeling it at the time, but now that house repair is well under way, I'm there.

Getting quotes from 5 different drywall guys, and now a few different flooring companies, then making those decisions, is stressful to me. Having someone here working all day every day, keeping the kids out of the way, making sure everything is done the way we want it, is stressful. Transferring money to our checking account to pay for the work and having it take a full day longer than it should have, therefore making the check bounce, is stressful and embarrassing. Trying to pack the house up for staging and figure out where to put everything, what to get rid of, is...you guessed it, stressful.

Also in the stressful category is the fact that Noelle is out of school and we don't have Bible study until September, so we're all together all day every day. Andy dislikes his job and although there are some possibilities, we don't really know where he'll end up. Therefore we don't know with 100% certainty where in Nashville we want to buy our next house.

Also, as I mentioned in my last post, my car is in need of repairs. My brake lights don't work, and so every time I drive I am in almost constant fear that I'm going to get hit or pulled over. I'm flashing my hazards every time I brake so at least the people behind me know something is going on, but I can only hope it's enough. This morning I'm bringing it to someone else who will hopefully be able (and willing!) to fix it. When I drop it off, the kids and I are going to walk across the street to the McDonalds playland. And wait. Andy is willing to take the time off work to pick us up and take us somewhere, but with all the interviews, house repair, and other stuff going on, I hate to make him take even one more minute.

And then there's little Mason, who I guess I haven't even mentioned on the blog. Due November 29th, our little boy is growing well and moving all the time, but has some potential health issues that we won't know the extent of (or lack thereof) until he's born. If he's anything like Evan, I can hope that we think all kinds of things are wrong with him but it all turns out to be nothing. For now, we're doing bi-weekly ultrasounds, and I've had more blood drawn than I care to remember.

Stress.

I have to ask myself, though, is God stressed about all of these changes and uncertainties going on in my life? As quickly as I ask it, I can answer obviously of course not. Yes, it's true that he knows where we'll live and where Andy will work, he knows Mason's little body because he created it, and he probably even knows what stuff we'll keep and what we'll put in a yard sale.

It gives me some peace to know that my future is in God's loving hands. At the same time, I want to grasp the idea that these little details in life, while important to God, are not the point of my being. God might know where we're going to live, but he cares more about the neighbors we are going to be able to show His love to than the floor plan. He might know where Andy is going to work, but he cares more about Andy's influence on his co-workers and the Godly character he displays on the job. He knows what stuff we'll keep, but he cares more about how our hearts feel about stuff over loving others well.

So, even in the midst of stress, I can confidently know that my only real responsibility is loving God and therefore loving others. Everything else will fall into place.

Today my car was in the shop, and I was given the impression upon dropping it off that diagnostic and repair would probably take little more than an hour. At 1:30 I called to check on it, since I hadn't heard from them, and was told they didn't have an estimate for me. An hour later Andy called, concerned because they close at 4:30 and I have my ultrasound appointment in the morning. He said he was kindness personified, but the lady abruptly said there's no guarantee it will be ready and so I'll pull it off the diagnostic machine and get it out front for you. I called a while later, saying my husband called you and I'm afraid there may have been a misunderstanding. She said there was no misunderstanding, your car is out front, we want you to come get it and we don't want you to come back. Ouch.

After Andy's call I was a little furious. After mine, my heart began to soften. Andy came to pick us up to go get it, and I told him that I wanted to go get the keys unless he thought he could just go in and ask for them, then walk away. He determined he couldn't, because we were justified to tell her how her actions affected us and had rights to be treated a certain way as customers. I told him I fully agreed, but that I also knew that my first responsibility is to love others well, and I felt that saying anything to her would only make her think worse of us, and therefore worse of Jesus if she could ever know we were His. Telling her how we should have been treated would not have changed her heart, it would have only made her more sure of the way she treated us.

When I went in to get the keys she was on the phone. I intended to tell her I was sorry for how things had gone, and leave it at that, but she handed me the keys without looking at me and remained on the phone. I said thank you and walked out. I got in my car and started to cry, my heart is so heavy for her. She was being rude to the customer she had on the phone, as well, and I could just see that she needed to be loved. I thanked Jesus for softening my heart towards her, and prayed for her. When Andy told me about his phone call, I never would have imagined being in that place of compassion for this woman.

I have been studying what it means to be transformed by the gospel, and sometimes I feel like I will never change. I am so concerned about myself, my rights, my time...this will be a struggle for the rest of my days on this earth. Today I saw evidence that God can and has planted seeds of change in my heart, however small they might be, and I am so thankful to Him.