One could say that life with small kids is in and of itself a lesson in patience, with their dawdling, endless questioning, misbehaving in the same ways over and over again, and love for hearing songs, reading books, and asking you to "do it again" many times a day. Today required an extra measure of patience because we were at the doctor's office. The wait there is getting to be too much, I don't know if they are more popular, booking patients too closer together, or what, but sitting in an exam room for an hour before the doctors come in is torture with little ones. I was getting all riled up, thinking of what to say to the doctor about it, when I had a thought.

I am so fortunate that my kids have great medical care. If there is ever an emergency they can be seen right away. Sick visits happen on the same day. I don't like to pay a $30 co-pay only to find out it's a virus, but I can afford it. There are people, lots of people, in this country and others, that cannot access or afford a doctor. They would gladly wait an hour to be seen and cared for. I have nothing to complain about.

So I left the doctor's office and went to a drive thru, I knew I wouldn't have time to make lunch because we had someone coming to give us an estimate on painting the upstairs. The line was SO SLOW! I couldn't believe it! And what do you know, I started feeling the anger bubbling up again.

I told Evan "I guess we're learning about patience today, buddy." If I want food, I go get it. And I get exactly what I want, any kind of food, from all over the world. It's all available to me basically 24 hours a day. I can afford it, I can drive to get it, and my stomach is never empty. Nothing to complain about!

We got an offer on our house today. Finally sold (again) after 6 months! Our patience paid off! Oh, wait, as we were preparing our counter, they withdrew their offer. No explanation, we don't think it could have had anything to do with us, but it's gone. We have a house, though, and we are all together, we can make our mortgage payments, we can send our kids to a great school. We are blessed. And hopefully a little more patient than yesterday.

Taking a shower while home alone with 3 kids can be tricky, which is why I only do it maybe once a week. Usually I put Mason somewhere safe from the big kids and let the other two watch a show. 9 times out of 10, I finish my shower and they are still watching a show, no problems. Today was the 1 out of 10.

I turned off the shower, and I heard the scooping of dog food. That's never good, because it means that Evan is in the dining room.

"Noelle, what is Evan doing?"

"He poured dog food in the dog's water bowl!"

"Can you please go get him out of the dining room?"

More scooping.

"Noelle?"

More scooping, and is that throwing?

"He's throwing food EVERYWHERE!"

"Go GET HIM! TACKLE HIM! LAY ON HIM! STOP HIM!"

I am dripping wet, and Mason's swing is in the bathroom with me blocking my way to a quick exit, so I'm depending on Noelle to get in there. By the time I am able, there truly is dog food everywhere. Love for Evan was not my first response, I'm sorry to say. I grabbed him and put him in his crib for a time out, then set to work cleaning up. Thankfully it was just dry dog food and easy to sweep, although the food in the water bowl had to be dumped down the disposal. What a mess! This picture only shows a tiny area, it was all over the dining room and kitchen floors.

After I got everything clean, I realized that Noelle had gotten down the remote that we use for DVD's, meaning that when she saw Evan flinging dog food everywhere, her first thought was, let me take a moment to get the remote and pause my movie so I don't miss anything. Sigh. I suppose I shouldn't expect anything different from a tv loving 5 year old. Maybe I should have had her sweep!

TV - how much to watch, when, who gets to choose the show - is an issue in the lives of most parents. I have several friends who have banished the television altogether, and while I can see the merits of doing so, it's not for me. At least not during this stage of raising kids. We were having a little too much whining and constantly asking for shows, though, so we needed a plan.

I had read a long time ago about giving kids tickets to turn in for tv watching. They get a certain number a day or week, and when they are gone, the tv is off for the day. I finally found a printable form online and put them to use in our house. I used the tickets found here, blue for Evan and pink for Noelle. They each get two in the morning. One ticket equals one show or 30 minutes of computer time. Two tickets can be used for a movie. Any tickets left at the end of the day unused can be put towards the purchase of books. We've only had one day so far that any were left, but I hope that they take advantage of that option more in the future.

There has definitely been a little manipulation (Evan, do you want to use one of your tickets?) but overall it is working SO well. Most importantly, there has hardly been any whining at all! It's not me telling Noelle she can't watch anymore shows, there just aren't any tickets left. She is in charge of whether she uses them for tv, movies, or computer, and that control is really meaningful to her. She is finding other things to do without me having to tell her. Evan usually could not care less about shows, he might ask to watch one, but then after 10 minutes he's off playing. For Noelle, though, this is amazing. I wish I would have printed these out a long time ago!

When children try your soul, as they will,
When they cause you grief, as they do,
When they rouse your anger and provoke your wrath, as is their way,
When they reduce you to tears and prayer, as often happens,
Love them.
Don't bother about anything at all
Until you have first made clear to yourself
That your love for the child in question
Is holding firmly, swelling warmly in your heart.
Then, whatever you do will be as nearly right
As it is possible for human judgment to be right.

~ Angelo Patri, 19th Century Educator, New York City



I ran across this poem on a blog this week and it really spoke to me. In my Bible study we talked about responding, not reacting, when our kids misbehave. The word react means to change in response to a stimulus, to act in opposition to a force or influence, or to undergo a chemical reaction. That takes it out of my hands. They act, I react. It doesn't take any real effort on my part, because it comes naturally. Unfortunately, what often comes naturally out of me when my kids misbehave is anger, irritation, impatience, and frustration. Knowing that about myself, I need to pray and work towards a response. To respond means to say something in return, make an answer. Making an answer takes time, thought, and prayer. It isn't thrown out on a whim of emotion, but rather it is considered and spoken carefully.

Right after I read this poem, Evan started scraping his hand against the air return vent. Not the worst thing a kid could do, but it's annoying and loud, and we've told him not to do it many times. I slowly walked over to him, got down to his level, and said, "Evan, I love you." He gave me a big hug, and I said, "You are not allowed to do that to the vent." He said okay and moved along to something else. I don't expect it to work that way every time, but I do think it would work at least as often, probably more often, than yelling or showing irritation. More importantly, it won't harm my relationship with Evan and in fact will serve to grow our relationship. Stopping to think about my love for my children before responding to their behavior can only do great things. God calls us to compassion, which I can have more of when I choose to see the person, God's beloved, before the behavior.

I was trying to think about why I don't blog anymore, and several reasons came to mind right away. Facebook is a big one. Anything I might have written a blog post about, I can instead write a quick status update and be done. Plus I get instant feedback, and it turns into a form of communication that a blog, or at least this blog, just isn't. Facebook is quick and easy, which leads to my second reason - time. Three kids, two dogs, a husband, a house on the market, a (very) part time job, Bible study...blogging is very low on my priority list. I have the time, certainly, I make time to watch all my shows on the DVR and read all the blogs I like to keep track of on Google Reader.

I think a bigger reason is that I don't know what I would even blog about. Right now I am mostly just surviving each day, or a better word might be existing. Surviving implies a day that I'm barely making it out of alive, and that's not true most days. Certainly some more than others, especially with all the sickness we've had the last few months, and the house being sold, thinking we had a lot of repairs to make, then having it unsold and back on the market. Noelle and Evan gang up on me some days, and I feel like all I'm saying all day is "Noelle! Evan! Noelle! Evan!" as they repeatedly offend each other and me, or Mason.

More often, though, existing would be a better description of how I am going through my days. Take the kids here, take them there, make them lunch, make them dinner, watch this show, change this diaper, comfort this crying one, clean for a showing, clean for a showing again, blah blah blah. I'm not finding much meaning in my days. I'm not looking for much meaning in my days.

A few weeks ago I read a blog where the author was writing out things that inspired him. One was his wife. He listed things she did such as comforting their crying child, playing a game for an hour with their son, making two creative meals for company. Part of me thought, that's inspirational? Please, that's just our job. No one cares. A deeper part of me thought, please, someone care. I forwarded it to Andy and said maybe words of affirmation matter more to me than I thought, because I'd like to hear things like this.

When I sit and think about the job of raising children and caring for a home, I can understand its importance. There are three little people that will be significantly shaped and formed during their time with me. When I look at the big picture, I can see that while making my 500th peanut butter and jelly sandwich might not be heroic, the love and time that I can put into each sandwich might be. There's nothing innately inspirational in most of what I do every day, and so it's easy to get caught up in just making it through. I can see that doing so belittles God's calling for me during these mothering years, and I know I need to find a way out. I think spring will help. New life all around.