Andy and Jaime Matthews - This is true love, you think this sort of thing happens every day?

The Bee Game

on August 02 2008 at 07:25 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime, Web finds

This week Andy reminded me of a game website that I used to go to all the time back when I was working. The job I had didn't keep me very busy, so I spent lots of time finding free online games to play and trying to master them. One of my favorites was the bee game. Andy actually mentioned this game back in December 2003 on our website, saying I got a high score of 22,460.

Well folks, today I got 34,820. Take that, bee game! If you find yourself in a situation that affords you a lot of free time, check out orisinal.com to find some fun little games. Some of our favorites (besides Bubble Bees) are Sunny Day Sky, Bugs, The Runaway Train, and Snowbowling.

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Some Things Never Change

on July 21 2008 at 06:38 AM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime

When I was growing up, I never wanted to go to school on Monday. I had a stomach ache or a headache or some other kind of ailment pretty much every Monday morning. I hated school, for the most part. I wasn't challenged, I didn't enjoy being with the other kids, and I just wanted to stay in bed!

Now that I'm a mom, I feel the same way. I don't want to go to work on Mondays. I always wake up wishing it was a school day for Noelle. I just want a chance to recoup from the weekend, get the house back in order, and SLEEP. Especially being this pregnant, it takes a lot to roll my big belly out of bed and get going. Andy said the other day that it's too bad I don't like coffee because I'd be a good candidate for its wake up power. Maybe I should try a little harder to like it, because I doubt that me and Mondays are ever going to get along.

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We need get a mocchachino machine for the house. Some coffee mixed with chocolate would be good for you.

Andy Matthews - July 21, 2008 11:21 am

Imagination

on June 25 2008 at 12:17 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Noelle Jordan, Jaime

I have to admit that I get really tired of my child's imagination sometimes. The amount of time I spend speeding up the car because a dragon is behind us, rolling down the window at a stop sign so she can pet a hippo, making up activities me and the monster I'm leading out of her room at naptime are going to do, eating invisible food, and especially being told I'm doing it *the wrong way* is more than I ever thought possible. It is all so real to her, though. This morning she went to get her baby doll a snack in the living room, and when she got out there a song was on tv. She ran back to me in the bedroom and held out her empty hand, saying, "Can you take this for baby? I'm going to go to the living room to dance." I couldn't believe that her imaginary snack had so much importance to her that she had to deliver it before stopping to dance.

Don't get me wrong, I love that she is creative. I guess the imagination itself is not what sometimes wears me thin, it's more that I have to have a role in it. I would love for her to imagine all day long if I didn't have to do it, too. It's just been so long since I imagined. A friend of mine suggested that I use a technique from improv comedy to handle imagination, which is to "accept and further." Accept that what Noelle is saying is true, and take it up one more step to add to the story. That really does work for the most part, if I'm doing it purely for fun and not with an agenda. I guess that most of us just lose that ability to look beyond what is really there and imagine what could be.

I'm in a Bible study going through the book "Strong Women, Soft Hearts" and the chapters we've read so far talk about how we lose our passion and our hearts because of pain and other life experiences. I tend to not try things or put myself out there often because I fear failure or rejection, among other things. Pain is a part of all of our lives, and it is only when we begin to accept it as our companion that we can have true joy and peace. Today in my group we talked about how God pursues our hearts, and how it makes us feel that he cares for us in that way. I shared that I so often try to protect my heart by not letting it carry me away, but although that might help me hold onto every piece of my heart, it's a dead heart that I'm holding. Whether we choose to give our heart away to follow a dream, and risk failure, or we choose to "protect" it by keeping it locked up, we are going to lose heart either way. God desires for us to give Him our heart, and promises that we will be even more wholly ourselves if we do so. He wants us to be fully ourselves and fully alive, the way he created us to be. Only through pouring our heart out to Him can we be our true selves, and do and be what He planned for us.

The author writes that if you follow your tears, what causes you pain or stirs passion inside of you, you will find what is dear to God and how you should live your life. When you are raising children, it can be easy to just put off your dreams until "later." When they go to school, maybe I'll do something for myself. God wants me to realize, though, that my life is now, and he desires for me to live it. Being a stay at home mom is not just a thing to get through. God never gets tired of my imagination, in fact He has dreams that are so much bigger than mine I can't comprehend them. His call for us to be childlike in our faith is something I hope to understand more every day that I spend with Noelle. I hope she never stops imagining.

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Dear Jaime, I had been up most of last night "wrestling" with God. I have experienced quite a few major changes in my life in the past year and a half. Your line from the book you are studying about pain robbing us of our passion and our hearts were words from God for me. I have lost my passion for what I am doing and am at a loss as to what passion I do have. It has left me feeling very out of sorts and am seeking counseling to figure out how to get my passion back. I have been praying about it, but know I am not totally surrendering myself to God in this regard. Just wanted to let you know what a God incident that my searching for a music program in Florida somehow brought up your website/blog whatever this is. It is so wonderful that you have created this website as I know it must be a wonderful combination of journaling, creativity and a tool to help you have an attitude of gratitude for the blessings you have received - especially through your daughter. I'm assuming you screen your comments and am just fine that this not be posted for public view. Just wanted to thank you for sharing what you did today. Peace and God's continued blessings to you.

Suzanne - June 26, 2008 07:53 am

SLEEP

on June 24 2008 at 01:57 AM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime

So I'm up at 3 AM. I'm hoping this is a fluke and not the beginning of pregnancy insomnia already, something I *so enjoyed* with Noelle in the third trimester. I did get a lot of e-mailing and work done in those early morning hours, but really, I would rather sleep! People try to tell you that this is your body's way of preparing you for taking care of a new baby. I say that's C-R-A-P. If my body really wanted to help me out, it would let me sleep as much as possible up to delivery day. You don't ever get used to sleep deprivation. Believe me, having a child who didn't sleep through the night for 13 months, I know.

It doesn't help that I'm feeling tired anyway, even though I had a nice relaxing weekend in Tulsa with Beth and Mike Arroyo. I got to sleep in, didn't have a toddler to take care of, went out to eat, and spent some great time with wonderful people. It was an excellent getaway, that just happened to be capped off by a terrible evening at a really awful airport. As it was, I left Tulsa at 5:30 PM then had a scheduled 3 hour layover in Kansas City. I wasn't going to get home until 11:10, which is already a good hour or so past my usual bedtime. When I got to KC, I looked on the screen for my gate number and saw that instead of "on time", it said "11:30" next to my flight. WHA? Apparently some weather on the east coast caused basically every flight in the airport to be about 2 hours delayed. And that airport is so weirdly layed out, and so lacking in the food department, it was not a great place to be for 5 hours. Most of it was closed anyway, I guess because it was Sunday night and they hate me. My back hurt terribly, my legs started to hurt as they do when I'm tired, and by the time I finally landed in Nashville at 1 AM, I was sobbing. Andy had to bring Noelle with him to get me, luckily she could care less about sleep and loved to be up in the middle of the night.

This mom gig (pre and post birth) has definitely put a large cramp in my sleeping style. I will definitely say, though, that even on the days that I don't know how I'm going to make it through, it's totally worth it. Noelle is an amazing child, so funny, smart, polite, and creative. I'd rather be losing sleep because I'm taking care of her than for any other reason. And I'm sure I'll lose sleep when she's older for much different reasons! So for now, I will just grin and bear it, and relish hearing her say "I love you, too."

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Anniversary

on May 31 2008 at 10:05 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Andy, Jaime, Charlotte Mae

Today we are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary, as well as the 1 year anniversary of the day Charlotte was born. Celebrate almost seems like the wrong word when thinking about Charlotte, but after looking it up in the dictionary I think it's just right. The definition of celebrate is "to observe a day or commemorate an event with ceremonies or festivities", or "to make known publicly; proclaim." It comes from the Latin word celebrare, which means "to solemnize, celebrate, honor," but also "to frequent, to fill together." Times of celebration remind us that we are part of a community, we are not going through this life alone.

An article I read online today said that celebration "fulfills a human need in two ways. First, we all have the need to escape the pressures of everyday life and the responsibilities which absorb so much of our time. We need to distance ourselves from this pressure in order to grasp the depth and fullness of daily life. Second, celebration allows us to enter into a more profound communion with the social groups that define us. Our relationships define each one of us as a social entity and help to integrate us more fully into the body to which we belong."

As I get older I find myself caring less about my birthday, Mother's Day, and all those other holidays that put the focus on me. I tell myself that although a break from responsibility and recognition of the day are appreciated, I don't need anything. What I forget, though, is that God created us to need each other. He made all believers a family, brothers and sisters, and His son prayed many times that we would be one as the trinity is one.

The same article referenced this passage in the Bible:
Now the company of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things which he had possessed was his own, but they had everything in common ... There was not a needy person among them, for as many were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles' feet, and distribution was made to each as any had need (Acts 4:32, 34-35).

I'm not necessarily suggesting that I'd like to go back to communal living, but there was a lot of good in that way of life. We try to do entirely too much on our own, and we're all frazzled as a result. This has lended itself to us having a much harder time understanding the concept of dependence on God. We can do for ourselves what needs to be done, we're told to take control of our own lives, set boundaries, get as much out of this life as we can. All of that is well and good, but it too often sacrifices community in favor of "personal growth."

The author also wrote that "those who champion individualism think of freedom as the absence of interference from outside forces. In contrast, ...think of freedom as the ability to make our lives a gift through which we deepen our relationship with the community. A person is a being-in-relationship, and to exist is to be in a relationship. To deny relationality is to hover on the brink of non-being. But the more we belong to one another--the more we are able to make ourselves a gift--the more fully we exist."

What does all of this have to do with Charlotte? When she died one year ago, I had a choice. I could have shut down, kept it inside, let it alienate me and weaken my faith. Or, I could see it through God's eyes, and ask "to what end." Andy and I decided from the first moment we saw Charlotte's little body on the ultrasound screen with no heart beating that this had to be something that drew us closer together and closer to God, or what was the point in the suffering? I had to allow myself to need my friends and family, even though it was really hard at times. I saw all of those people coming together to surround us in prayer, fill our refrigerator, care for Noelle, and help me grieve, and it reminded me that I was not alone.

I have always believed that it is best to share my struggles openly instead of keeping them locked away, and many times people have thanked me for my candor. They often open up themselves afterward, and a depth is added to our friendship that wouldn't have been possible otherwise. When I read the part of the definition of celebration that said, "to make known publicly; proclaim," my first thought was of my committment to claim Charlotte as my child to everyone I meet. I don't often let an opportunity pass me by to say that I have another daughter. Noelle knows her sister's name, and knows that she is in heaven. Every time I share her story, I am celebrating her existence, her role in my life. I am thankful to her for teaching me about reliance on God and others, and for giving me an opportunity to build deeper relationships with those in my community. Happy Birthday, Charlotte Mae Matthews. Your mommy loves you and will be with you again someday.

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Thank you for sharing! I personally am very thankful for your openness and willingness to be honest about your struggles. I'm sure that was a hard day, but I'm glad you were able to celebrate and remember her. And happy anniversary!! Can't wait to meet New Baby Matthews :)

Tiana - June 02, 2008 02:02 pm

What a great tribute to Charlotte! I continue to be amazed at your wonderful talent for putting things into words. I thank God everyday for bringing you into our lives through Andy. We are blessed to have you as a daughter in-law and the mother of our grandchildren! Happy 5th to you and Andy.

Carol - June 04, 2008 03:43 am

Happy Fifth baby!

on May 24 2008 at 02:12 PM by: Andy Matthews

File under: Andy, Jaime

No no...not our fifth baby. Maybe that should have read "Happy Fifth, Baby", as in Happy 5th Anniversary? That's right...Jaime and I are coming up on the 5th anniversary of our wedding day back in May of 2003. Hard to believe that it's been that long, yet it also seems like longer.

So we're currently sitting, well laying, on a bed in Louisville, Kentucky chilling. Watching a little TV, doing a little net surfing, and waiting for it to cool down before heading out to do some shopping, and some mini-golf, and then some dinner.

Tomorrow, we're driving up to Illinois to attend the wedding of one of the girls who was in OUR wedding. Then we head back to Nashville on Monday.

Lucky for us, my parents are watching Noelle for us while we take this short weekend to spend some time together. So, here's to you Jaime...5 years, then another 5, then ten, and then 20 more. If we're both still alive then, we can renegotiate.

Mwa.

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Brad and I have a 50 year contract. After that, we're renegotiating. We thought it sounded like a good idea when we got married :) Of course, Andy, since you're already 50, I'm not sure that you'll make it to 50 :)

Heather - May 24, 2008 02:45 pm

That's right. I'm going to be tanning myself on a beach in Hawaii on our 30th anniversary. I'll be 63 and wearing nothing but a smile and a Coppertone tan.

Andy Matthews - May 27, 2008 07:27 am

Wow! I'm glad that it's Jaime that you're married to!

Heather - May 28, 2008 08:23 am

He said he'd be tanning himself - and that's BY himself! He knows I'd never join him on that kind of outing. :)

Jaime Matthews - May 28, 2008 09:35 am

Playing mommy & daddy against each other already?

on April 23 2008 at 07:17 PM by: Andy Matthews

File under: Noelle Jordan, Andy, Jaime

Jaime and Noelle had a funny moment just now and I thought I'd share it. Noelle was in her room, in bed, while Jaime and I were in the living room. Noelle had pulled out her new underwear and put them on over her diaper, but then asked for "another pair". Jaime went in there to deal with her. As she was getting ready to leave the room, they had this conversational exchange:

Jaime: I'm not coming in here again.
Noelle: Okay, I call to Daddy.

That made Jaime and I both laugh because how smart is that? She realizes that she can at least attempt to play us off each other.

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Ah, yes... and so it begins! Jackson does this quite often these days as well. He likes to ask the same question of both of us, hoping for a different answer from the second. It's amazing how early they figure out how to get what they want! Miss you guys!

Jonathan - April 24, 2008 04:25 am

Katrina does this, too! She asked me to open a bag of snacks for her the other day, and when I said no, not now, she replied, "My Daddy open it!" Thankfully Ryan was in earshot and heard the exchange, although that doesn't always happen ... Scary, isn't it, how they learn things we never intentionally teach them?

Lexa Herbert - April 25, 2008 07:40 am

Boy did she learn from one of the best, many a times Andy went to Mom to get his way, but I guess that's why we love him so now and even then.

Dad - May 01, 2008 12:10 pm

Pregnancy Update

on April 01 2008 at 09:37 AM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Noelle Jordan, Jaime

We are into the 12th week now, and we heard our baby's heartbeat at my appointment on Friday! It was quite a relief. It always takes so long to find the heartbeat, I was starting to get worried. After my midwife finally locked onto it, I just couldn't stop crying. She's letting me come back in two weeks to hear it again, which I am very grateful for.

Other than the anxiety, I am feeling pretty good. Not too tired yet, no morning sickness, I have a good appetite. The only thing I'm dealing with is allergies, and I am just coughing a LOT. Noelle always says, "You sure have a bad cough!" Paired with the over-sensitive gag reflex that comes with pregnancy for me, that coughing has led to a little bit of throwing up.

Yesterday morning I ran to the bathroom during a coughing fit and threw up, and of course Noelle followed me. She stood watching for a while, and then she took several steps back and said, "Don't throw up on me, Mommy." Child, if I had a dollar for every time you have thrown up on me, we could all go have a very nice dinner.

For about 15 minutes after that, every time I coughed Noelle tensed up, looked at me with a concerned face, and with a serious voice said, "Are you throw-upping?"

I haven't gained a pound yet, I'd imagine the above events probably play a role in that! Hopefully I can find some kind of remedy for all this coughing soon.

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We need to get you fattened up girl!

andy matthews - April 01, 2008 02:28 pm

10 Weeks

on March 16 2008 at 06:01 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime

We're at the 10 week mark today in our pregnancy! Double digits mean a decreased risk of miscarriage, so that's good, but I'm holding out for my next appointment where we'll be able to hear the heartbeat. That's scheduled for March 28. That will help me relax a bit, and then I'll be waiting to feel those first movements.

It's probably because this is my third kid, but I'm already busting out of my regular pants. I regularly unbutton them, and sometimes just end up changing into my pajama pants. I guess I should have Andy get the maternity clothes bin down from the attic. I know it's dumb, but I am nervous about getting them out again. Putting those clothes away after Charlotte died was awful, and it will be hard to look through them again. I really try not to think negatively, but I definitely have thoughts like "I wonder how long I'll get to wear them this time." I suppose in light of that, I should enjoy every moment of it that I have.

I'm not feeling too bad anymore, except for the stomach virus I had this week (thanks, Noelle, and probably your school friends). I get tired easily, and I still get incredibly hungry at times and need to eat immediately. We are trying to do a "no spend March" this month where we only buy groceries and pay bills, nothing else. That's definitely been hard on my cravings! Of course, I made cravings an exception so I am technically allowed, but I try to fight off the temptation.

All in all, I can only hope that the rest of the pregnancy is as easy as the last 10 weeks has been. Maybe with a little less anxiety.

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I hope that I can be more understanding of your concerns babes. I know I make light of them and tell you to "trust", but they're still valid concerns.

Andy Matthews - March 17, 2008 12:36 pm

YEAH! 10 weeks is a milestone! Little flutter kicks are next, what a beautiful thing to anticipate. We are praying for you every day that your fears will subside and you will enjoy this pregnancy and anticipate the arrival of little "Mattie". We love you.

Mom M - March 18, 2008 10:34 am

Retreating

on February 29 2008 at 02:09 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime

The Women's Retreat with my church has come around again, and I'll be leaving in just one hour for two nights away with my friends, learning about God's rest. Ahhh.

I always think I'll miss Noelle (which I always do) but she sure knows how to make it easy for me to leave. She's been a total booger today, ending with an awesome 45 minute nap and a refusal to watch her current favorite movie while I finish packing. So instead she's following me around, scamming all the snacks I'm trying to pack, whining that I won't let her have any cookies, and messing with my suitcase. A few days away is just what the doctor ordered, I think.

I've been feeling pretty ill as of late, which is fine with me because it gives me some reassurance, but as I told Andy, just because I'm glad for it doesn't mean I'm going to suck it up. Basically at any given time I am nausated, starving, or in some kind of pain, or maybe even all three! It's good times. Someone asked me if I felt well enough to go to this retreat, and I said that I don't feel well enough NOT to! Being at a retreat center with no children or housework is exactly where I need to be. It always seems like perfect timing!

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Hope you have a relaxing time!

Mom B - February 29, 2008 03:11 pm

Well, you're lucky you weren't here tonight. She threw up after being in bed for about an hour. Spent about 20 minutes getting her and her bed cleaned up.

Andy Matthews - February 29, 2008 09:38 pm

Ford threw up while I was gone this weekend too. Sounds like Scott and you had the same kind of weekend. Lucky for Jaime and me we were relaxing at the retreat.

Natalie McLaughlin - March 04, 2008 10:53 am

There are weeks

on December 05 2007 at 03:09 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Noelle Jordan, Jaime

I've been feeling kind of off this week, not sure why. I feel like spending time alone, and am really interested in cleaning which is something I tend to do a lot of when I'm stressed or feel out of control. Yesterday if I wasn't so busy during the time Noelle was at school, I may have tried pulling down the Christmas decorations from the attic and putting them up by myself. That's just the kind of stuff I feel like doing. And a small part of me would have wanted Andy to feel bad that I did it alone, even though I didn't ask him to help and he couldn't have had any idea that I was doing it. So that's ridiculous. Again, good thing I was too busy for all that.

This morning Noelle was singing Jesus Loves Me, and she sang "There are weeks, but He is strong." I told her that what she sang was probably a better version for me right now than the original. We all have weeks like this, and there won't be an end to them until we get to Heaven. So when we do go through these weeks, we need to hold onto the truth that God is strong, and in control, and He cares about my week.

I did get some "good" news today. I suspected my progesterone levels might be low, too low in fact to support us in getting pregnant, so I went in on Monday for a test. I came in at the low end of "normal" which means that they are going to put me on progesterone for a few months to see if that corrects the issues I've been having. My midwife seems pretty confident that this should do the trick. I sure hope it does.

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So glad there is something they can do for you! We'll be praying that the progesterone works!!!

Mom B - December 06, 2007 07:24 am

A Mess of a Day

on November 30 2007 at 06:52 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Andy, Jaime

Today was the closing of our mortgage refinancing (yay!), and since we met Andy halfway then went out to dinner, he hadn't been home until we all came in together this evening. He walked in the kitchen and said, "What's up with the counter?" I was still in the office, so at first I didn't know what he was talking about. Then I remembered that it was a complete disaster of groceries, mail, dishes, etc. that I just hadn't had time to deal with that afternoon before Noelle and I left.

I told him hey, at least it's unusual enough for it to be such a mess that you had to ask what happened. It reminded me of that cartoon where the house is a wreck and the mom is laying in bed while the kids go crazy, and the husband asks what happened. She says "You know how you ask me what I do all day? Well today I didn't do it."

Another mess today was during Noelle's nap, when I heard her say "I need to wash my fingers" and went in to see removed pants and diaper, and, well, you can guess the rest. She did sweetly say "thank you, Mommy" as I was changing her sheets, but I was still disgusted. And that's why I didn't get around to cleaning off the counter!

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Officially a School Mom

on October 30 2007 at 09:29 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime

Noelle's class had a Halloween party today, and all the parents signed up to bring something for them to have for lunch. I signed up for cheese, and right away knew I couldn't just bring in plain old cheese. I remembered these little cookie cutters I got for Christmas, and BAM! Pumpkin and leaf cheeses fit for a group of toddlers. I was pretty proud, and felt like a real school mom.

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They all loved them. Noelle even had some of the leftovers for breakfast this morning and she was so proud that she was eating leaves!

Andy Matthews - October 31, 2007 07:03 am

Wow!! I'm impressed! What a cool idea. The presentation looks so good on that bright plate. Sounds like you will do great as a "school mom".

Carol - October 31, 2007 07:53 am

Sweeping the Clouds Away

on July 20 2007 at 08:39 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime

Wow, three new posts in one day! Tonight as I was driving to Walgreens to pick up a prescription, after having an argument with Andy over where to put things in the new cabinets, I realized that both of my other posts were pretty negative. And both experiences I wrote about were not great ones, to be sure, but I began to wonder why they got to me so much. Then I recalled why I was going to Walgreens. I've been out of my antidepressant for about 5 days and was finally getting it refilled.

When I used to take Effexor, if I forgot to take it one night I was feeling it by morning. I would get shaky, sickly, and feel this weird movement in my head that I always described as neurons popping. When I came off Effexor before we got pregnant, I about died. I didn't want to kill myself or anything that extreme, but I did consider crashing the car on purpose and I know I treated Andy really badly. But with Wellbutrin, it's not been nearly that dramatic. I can forget to take the pills every now and then and feel no physical effects, and no emotional effects for quite some time. Which can trick me into thinking maybe I don't need it anymore, but I've been there and know it's not true.

When I first started taking antidepressants, I saw them as a sort of crutch. Because of the mental state I was in, I literally could not work through any feelings I was experiencing or choose to feel some other way. Just like you literally cannot walk without a crutch if you injure yourself. That crutch helps you get around and figure things out while you are healing. Many people can then give up the crutch and go on with their lives. Some people, like me, find that it isn't something that "heals", but that it truly is a physical need for medication, and then are on the medication for life. I've come off and gone back on the pills enough times to know that for me, it's a physical need that manifests itself in emotional ways.

Also on my way to Walgreens, I remembered that this week I've been really busy with work and of course the kitchen and trip to Atlanta, and so I wasn't able to do my Bible Study before my group met on Tuesday morning. Spending that time in the Word and researching the names of God (which is what we're currently studying) brings a lot more to my week than I give it credit for. I also had to miss our church Community Group meeting on Wednesday night since we were out of town. That group provides not only another place to talk and learn about God, but also a break from my role as mommy and wife, and just a chance to be a girl.

So this week it's back to Wellbutrin, back to Bible Study, back to Community Group and friends, and I know that the Lord will be faithful to pull me out of the cloudy place I'm in right now. He always has.

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Postpartum Visit

on June 20 2007 at 02:50 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime

I visited my midwife yesterday for a postpartum check up. I was glad to go, because I had a few questions that I wanted to ask and just wanted to reconnect with my midwife. I was pretty out of it while she was there with me at the hospital, and I knew there were a few things she talked with Andy about that I was asleep or in surgery for. We spent the majority of time talking about how I'm doing emotionally and how I'm processing Charlotte's death, and I left knowing that right there is why I chose to use a midwife. I shared with Margaret how wonderful our experience at the hospital was, considering, and how I felt so cared for by every single person we came into contact with. Vanderbilt was so respectful of me, and more importantly, of Charlotte. My nurse cried with me and let me talk as much as I needed to, the resident who performed the D&C patted and rubbed my arm as I was going under anesthesia, and everyone who came to our room said they were sorry about Charlotte's death and didn't just do what they had to do and ignore the reason. I was very impressed with the way Vanderbilt cared for us and for Charlotte.

One of the questions I asked today was about some things I've read online since Charlotte died, namely that a baby who dies in the womb will start to shrink at the same rate they would have grown if they continued to develop. That led me to believe that Charlotte was probably closer to 18 weeks old when she died as opposed to the 16.5 weeks she was measuring, and Margaret agreed that was probably the case. I am glad to know that she had likely only been dead for a few days or a week, because now I know that I felt her moving the weekend before, and I am glad to have that memory.

She also said it was likely that the cord got wrapped loosely around Charlotte's neck early on, and as she grew she was just never able to wiggle out of it. That image is not one that I enjoy having, but I do feel some resolution knowing that it was definitely a cord accident and nothing else, and the likelihood of that happening is like being struck by lightning. I will still be anxious with our next pregnancies, but I can feel fairly confident that this was an isolated incident.

The last question I had was when it will be okay to try for another baby, and while my nurses at the hospital suggested 6 months because of the blood I lost, Margaret said it would be fine to try after 3 as long as I pursue a diet high in iron and continue my vitamins. We hope that we have the same fertility luck we've had thusfar, but know that isn't by any means a guarantee and has been a complete blessing. So, our prayer is that by the time Charlotte's year anniversary comes along, we are close to a due date for our third child. I just want to be in a place in our pregnancy that I can feel the baby moving all the time and feel more confident than you can feel at the stage I was in with Charlotte.

And now Noelle is probably finishing up what looks to be a 3 hour nap, so I'm going to try and enjoy the last few minutes of free time I have!

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Yesterday's Mishaps

on June 13 2007 at 07:28 AM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: General, Noelle Jordan, Jaime

Yesterday I encountered a series of mishaps that left me feeling frustrated, and laughing at the same time. First, we had received a meal from a friend during Bible Study in the morning, and as I tried to fit it into the refrigerator I knocked over a glass of fruit tea I had saved from the night before. Fruit tea all over everything in my fridge. It took me about 15 minutes to completely clean up the mess I had made, and I couldn't help but think how wrong it was that a meal given to me to free up my time caused this mess that was taking up my free time. Well, the meal and my clumsiness.

Later, after Noelle woke up from her nap, I went to change her diaper and as I pulled off her shorts, poop came flying out onto her changing table and my hand. There was definitely a lot of poop, but the main reason it overflowed is that her diaper apparently got put on a little crooked in the nursery or somehow wiggled around so that it was not completely covering her behind. So I stripped her down, trying not to get anything else dirty. Then as we stood in front of the bathtub while it filled up, Noelle of course being naked, she peed on the bathroom rug and floor.

Then we went to play with some friends at a local sprayground, and while pretty much everything went just fine, Noelle hit the back of her head pretty hard while going down the slide. And after daddy got home, he scraped Noelle's foot against the screen door coming in from the pool, causing many long seconds of a silent cry before an eruption of screaming.

At the end of the day, I went over to a friend's house to pick up some snacks she had made for us, and along with some very yummy treats, she gave me of all things - a pitcher of fruit tea. It's kind of nice how it all comes back around. It's almost providential.

Kind of like how last week, Noelle kept asking me for an apple and I had to tell her we were all out, and that I was sorry. Then maybe 10 minutes later, the doorbell rang and I was being given a basket of fruit and goodies, and all of a sudden I had an apple. I know those things are not that big of a deal, but I also know we have a God that meets the needs of his people. Even the silly ones.

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May Days

on May 14 2007 at 11:19 AM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime

My birthday, Mother's Day, and my wedding anniversary are all in May. Three days that, to me, are about being with family, celebrating, and taking care of myself. They are also about being taken care of by those around me, which is why I'm not a huge fan of them all being in the same month. First, if I really do let people (okay, Andy) take care of me three times in one month, I start to feel like I'm abusing the privilege. It's not like I'm going to go on three shopping sprees or get three massages or take three days where I leave Noelle with Andy and have some "me" time. All in one month, that would seem very extravagant. But if these holidays were spread throughout the year, I could easily do some of these things three times, no problem.

The reality of it is that I never know what to ask for as a gift anyway, and to me, a dinner out with family or a little time to myself is a great gift. I saw a commercial recently for a jewelry store where a woman is giving her baby a bath in the kitchen sink, and she calls out to her husband, seemingly to maybe ask him for help. He strolls in with a jewelry box, and walks up behind his wife to surprise her. Then the announcer says something about how that guy found the perfect gift for Mother's Day. My first thought was - put down that stupid box and give this child a bath! Now granted, I'm not a jewelry person at all, but no matter what he was carrying in, it probably wouldn't have meant as much as if he said, "Here, honey. Let me finish this bath and put the baby to bed, then I'll make you a great dinner. You just go relax."

I am fortunate to have a husband who does do a lot around the house, and he even gives Noelle a bath every night and puts her to bed. He cooks at least half the time, too, if not more. But even though he generally does his share of the household duties and is a great dad, it is always a gift to me when I unexpectedly don't have to do a chore I was planning to do.

I know that I can ask for help or me time or a massage anytime I want, any month of the year. But I think we all know that sometimes it's nice to have the presence of a holiday on our side. Not only to remind our spouse or family members to express their appreciation, but also to justify the request. I guess having all my days in one month just means I need to allow myself to ask more often, just because. I have no doubt that Andy and my friends and family will comply - I've seen it happen in the past. I am well cared for, and I think being reminded of that is my favorite part about holidays.

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Baby 2 is on the move

on March 31 2007 at 02:25 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime, Family

I had my first appointment with my midwife on Thursday, and since we weren't able to hear the heartbeat at the office we decided to send me for an ultrasound. Not hearing the heartbeat at 10 weeks is not unusual, but I was glad to be able to check on the baby.

So we all went in for the ultrasound, and everything is looking good. Baby has a strong heartbeat and measured the right size for how far along we are. Even though it is only 3.18 cm from "crown to rump", it was moving it's little body all over the place. Feeling Noelle moving around was one of my favorite parts of pregnancy, and I look forward to that again.

Still feeling sick, but I am not sick to the degree I was with Noelle. It does sometimes last all day, but it isn't debilitating like last time, at least not very often. I've had some cravings (last night I wanted hot dogs for dinner) and some food has made me want to vomit. I can't brush my tongue anymore without gagging.

It's all part of the package, though, and it's all worth it in the end. Of course, I say that while my daughter who should be napping is in her crib doing everything but, and her daddy and I have no desire to entertain her for one more minute today. Earlier I suggested we go to the park, and then said "I don't want to go either, but I also don't want to sit here and try to entertain her until dinner." To which Andy said he just didn't want to do ANYTHING. And I said I agreed, but we've got a 15 month old so what can you do. I won't say what he suggested next, but it involved the fact that we're starting over anyway. We really love being parents, honest.

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Retreating

on March 08 2007 at 06:25 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Noelle Jordan, Jaime

Tomorrow I am going on an overnight Women's Retreat with our church. My first night without Noelle. Ever. Even Andy couldn't believe it, and thought surely I've had at least one night before this, before she was 14 months old. But no. I haven't been without her for more than 12 hours in a row (and that was just once, other than that it's been less than 6) since April 2005 when she was first conceived. To say I'm looking forward to it is an understatement.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my little girl. In fact, part of the reason I'm writing this post is to tell a few cute stories about her. But every mama needs a BREAK every now and then. Plus, I'm excited for Andy to have this concentrated time with Noelle and do the "single parent" thing that I do every day, and have done for a few overnights as well.

So on to the stories. Today I got Noelle up from a nap and brought her out to the living room. The high chair was out there because we bring it out on Monday nights for our Lost party with the Daugherty's, and I hadn't put it back yet. I stood her on top of the tray to be silly, and she worked her way to sitting down in the seat where she promptly said, "naa???" which is the way she says "snack???" And lately, every time she says snack, she begins to slowly nod her head yes right after, as if to try and hypnotize me into agreeing that it is in fact snack time.

Later we were having lunch and in between bites we were practicing some letter sounds. We were working on "t," and although I thought she had finished her bite of applesauce I guess she still had some in her mouth. So when she said "tuh", she spit applesauce all over her tray. She threw her body back in her seat and looked so surprised, and then just giggled uncontrollably. Crack me up. We have a good time together, me and Noelle. Not all the time, but enough to say that we generally enjoy each other's company. I'm sure I'll miss her more than I think tomorrow night.

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SO BORED

on March 02 2007 at 04:03 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Noelle Jordan, Jaime

Being a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) isn't all that thrilling sometimes. Today, for instance, time is moving as slowly as it ever has in my entire life. Worse than waiting in line at the DMV, which to me is one of the slowest procedures in the world. It is absolutely beyond me how it is only 4:00 right now. We've played with every toy we own, read most of our books several times, watched a video, played out in the yard, took a bath, went to the grocery store, took a nap, played with the dogs, had several snacks, ate lunch, and many other activities that apparently only take 1 minute each.

It doesn't help that I feel sick and that it's Friday, but seriously, what in the world? Normally we don't take a bath until right before bed, but I thought it'd be a good activity. I thought we had been playing in there FOREVER, and by the time I got us out and dried off, it hadn't even been fifteen minutes! I had to check my watch to make sure it hadn't stopped. Most days I really do enjoy this job, but like any job, there are days that I'd rather be doing anything else. Especially at the age Noelle is, there just aren't a whole lot of activities we can do.

One of our friends just started letting her daughter color, but I'm very sure Noelle would just eat the crayons. Have we mentioned how she has chewed up her crib to oblivion? We did finger painting around Christmas for an art project and Noelle just cried, so I think we should wait a while to do that one again. It's a little too chilly to go for a walk still. She won't sit and watch a video for more than 5 minutes. Pretty much any art or craft project, I'm still afraid she would eat all the supplies. There are only so many times you can go to the store. So what's a mom to do?

Thank goodness it's the weekend and we'll have some daddy help.

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The Sickness

on March 02 2007 at 08:40 AM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime

The Sickness has come again, and I can only hope that it doesn't end up as bad as last time. So far I've just been very nauseated, not able to stand up for long periods of time, and disgusted by the thought of most food. And that's not for the entire day, it's so far only been from morning until around 2, and then maybe a little bit in the evening. I just can't deal with the same stuff I had last time, because I have to take care of Noelle! Thankfully she is walking now, getting better every day, so I don't need to carry her as much. It's also a blessing that she is a pretty independent little girl if I need her to be.

I know that sickness is a relatively small price to pay for the joy that a baby brings to my life, and that sickness can give me some comfort that things are working as they should. It still stinks, though!

Yesterday I went to the grocery store to buy a bunch of "convenience foods." Last pregnancy, I went through several months where if there wasn't something in the house that I could eat quickly and without any real prep time, I would just skip lunch. I couldn't think about food long enough to prepare it. Obviously not good for me or the baby, but it was how I had to deal. So I bought some quick things like pre-cut apples, bananas, grapes, Lunchables, meal replacement bars, and string cheese that might help keep me going. Hopefully it works!

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Super Suppers

on December 06 2006 at 03:21 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime

Last night I went with a group of women from our church to a place called Super Suppers. It is one of those places where you can go and prepare a bunch of meals at one time to take home and freeze. They do all the prep work, and all you have to do is go around to the different stations and follow the recipe for each meal. They even take away your dirty dishes, usually before you can even set them down! I had a great time, and now we have 12 meals in our freezer that I can just thaw and eat. And, it was nice to have time to myself that wasn't at a doctor's office.

You should check to see if they have a location in your area! It really was fun, and they had great snacks there for us, too. Also, the party host there gets free meals based on how many people attend, and in this case our hostess donated all of those meals to our church's freezer meals ministry. She got 16 free meals that we can now give to families in need.

Andy was jealous that I got to go instead of him, but he changed his mind when I said that all the food was chopped and separated and ready to go. That's one of his favorite parts. Maybe he should get a job there! More likely, though, we talked last night about how this was a good idea for us to do ourselves once a month or so. He can do the prep work, and I'll put all the meals together. Works for me!

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Matchy Match

on November 19 2006 at 09:20 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime, Family

Noelle and I had on similar sweaters and jeans today, so it was a perfect day for mommy daughter pictures. Here is one of our favorites. I know some people don't agree, but I think there's nothing cuter than a little baby dressed in clothes that an older child or adult would wear. I mean come on, my baby girl in a turtleneck sweater? To die for!

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Pregnancy Cavities

on October 31 2006 at 02:57 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: General, Jaime

My turn to try out the e-mail posting!

I'll take this opportunity to tell you about my experience yesterday of getting my very first cavity filled. I got the cavity while I was pregnant (thanks for ruining my 26 year record, Noelle), and they decided to wait until after I had the baby to take care of it. So here we are a year later, finally getting it done.

I was not excited, to say the least. Shots and drilling in my mouth are not something I enjoy thinking about. The worst part was the shot to numb the area, but if not for that, the drilling certainly would have been the worst part. I pretended the drill was just the electric tooth polisher they use, because it sounded similar. It's mostly mental for me anyway, so that helped a lot. As did squeezing the hand of the dental assistant. She said I could! All in all it wasn't that big of a deal. My hygienist hurt me just about as bad as the shot did when she was flossing my teeth.

As I was sitting there getting all numb preparing myself for this procedure, I thought how it's kind of sad that the only time I get to "myself" anymore is when I go to the doctor or to get my hair cut, or something that I can't take Noelle to. Oh well, such is life!

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The aftermath of family events

on September 12 2006 at 10:13 AM by: Andy Matthews

File under: General, Noelle Jordan, Andy, Jaime, Friends, Family

Noelle is officially baptized. For those of you who don't know what infant baptism is, here's what the Presbyterian church believes about the topic along with a brief synopsis.

Both believers and their children are included in God's covenant love. Children of believers are to be baptized without undue delay, but without undue haste. Baptism, whether administered to those who profess their faith or to those presented for Baptism as children, is one and the same Sacrament. The Baptism of children witnesses to the truth that God's love claims people before they are able to respond in faith. (Book of Order W-2.3008)

Baptism, therefore, usually occurs during infancy, though a person may be baptized at any age. Parents bring their baby to church, where they publicly declare their desire that he or she be baptized. When an infant or child is baptized the church commits itself to nurture the child in faith. When adults are baptized they make a public profession of faith.

Baptism distinguishes children of those who believe in God's redemptive power from children of nonbelievers. The water that is used symbolizes three accounts from the Bible's Old Testament: the waters of creation, the flood described in the story of Noah, and the Hebrews' escape from slavery in Egypt by crossing the Red Sea. All three stories link humanity to God's goodness through water.

So we baptized Noelle, not so that she's "saved", but so that we declare before God that we want her to be set apart.

Anyway, it went really well, one of the people involved in the ceremony said that she was one of the best babies they'd had on stage in months. Yay Noelle. She was absolutely adorable and even reach out for the Carter Crenshaw (our pastor) several times.

We had a great time with family and friends this past weekend, but we're glad to be back to our normal routine. Thanks to everyone who came to Nashville this weekend and made this such a special occasion for us, and for Noelle.

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Baptisms and Baklava

on September 06 2006 at 02:44 AM by: Andy Matthews

File under: General, Noelle Jordan, Andy, Jaime

Greetings! We wanted to let you know about two things happening this coming weekend that you are invited to be a part of.

First, the annual Greek Festival is this Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox church, 4905 Franklin Pike. We plan on going Saturday night (Sept. 9) around 5 PM. We hope to see you there! Let us know if you plan on going and we'll look for you in the crowd. http://www.holytrinitynashville.org/GreekFestival2006.dsp

Second, Noelle will be baptized this Sunday (Sept. 10) during the second service at West End Community Church. We'd love to have you come sit stage left in the sanctuary during the service.

Hope to see you this weekend!

Jaime, Andy and Noelle

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Me, J & AB

on August 12 2006 at 05:22 PM by: Andy Matthews

File under: General, Andy, Jaime

I've liked Good Eats ever since I saw the first episode. Yes, that's right...a cooking show, that I watch at least 3 or 4 times a week. I even SAVE episodes on our DVR so that I can rewatch them. Jaime likes the show too but she rolls her eyes when I rewatch episodes.

So...imagine my surprise when a friend, who works at Opryland Hotel, posted a banner that he designed for a cooking seminar at the hotel, featuring none other than the host of Good Eats, Alton Brown.

Now, I respect and admire Alton Brown for many reasons: he's funny, has a successful cooking show that not only demonstrates haute cuisine, but also explains, and focuses on, the nuts and bolts of what's happening when you pan fry something. Or the chemical reaction that takes place when you whip egg whites into meringue. Plus he gets to cook for a living.

I made the decision to purchase tickets as soon as I could. So I immediately sprang into action, leaped up from my chair, then sat down puffing heavily. No, I decided instead...this deserved a phone call. Matt, (Guest) my best friend in the world, works at Opryland. I thought to myself, "maybe he could help me out?" And help me out he did, by providing me with a most EXCELLENT 50% discount. Which is good because the tickets were normally $60 apiece.

Anyway. To make a long story even longer, Jaime and I spent 2 hours today watching Alton Brown deep fry a turkey (cooked in less than 40 minutes could you believe?). His trademark banter and witty repartee in place, Alton entertained a room of about 600+ people, all there to see him. Who knew that Good Eats was so popular?

We had a great time and of course had to document the fact that we got to meet and speak to him for a brief moment. We even have the picture to prove it.

at least we weren't the ones wearing the "Assman's Butt Rubb & Kiester Sauces" t-shirts.

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Okay, I didn't mean I OWN you!

on July 18 2006 at 02:09 PM by: Jaime Matthews

File under: Jaime

So the car seems to be rebelling against me saying that I now OWNED it. In the last week, I have had to go to the dealership twice for repairs, and had to call roadside assistance once.

The first time, I noticed water leaking onto the floor in the front and figured it was an a/c issue. Some condensation tube was blocked and had to be replaced, for $100.

Then on Sunday, we went to P.F. Chang's after church for lunch, and Andy went to get the car so Noelle and I wouldn't have to walk so far in the heat. After about 5 minutes I began to wonder where he was, and finally saw him walking towards us from where the car was parked. The car wouldn't start. Luckily we were right in front of Borders, because we were stuck there for about an hour waiting for someone to come jump the car.

Yesterday, the car was having a hard time starting up but finally made it, only to die at the first stop sign I came to. I got it started again and headed straight to the dealership. Turned out it was just the battery, but because I was at a dealership, there goes $120. Those kinds of things aren't covered under my warranty.

Very frustrating, but at least we had the money that we aren't spending on car payments anymore to pay for those two little repairs. So I take it back, Car, I don't own you. Now please start behaving again.

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The remains of a good, but scary looking meal

on July 08 2006 at 08:29 PM by: Andy Matthews

File under: General, Andy, Jaime

I watched an episode of Good Eats wherein Alton Brown, the host, spoke of cooking artichokes. Having only ever had artichokes in that tasty concoction known as Artichoke dip, I decided to follow his lead and cook a whole artichoke for dinner.

A daunting process, I forged forward nonetheless. Stripping away the outer, somewhat brown leaves and cutting off the base, I boiled them in salted water until tender. While cooking, I prepared a dipping sauce of dijon mustard, mayo, cayenne, lemon juice and shredded parmesan cheese.

Once they were done, Jaime and I drained them and set about eating them, leaf by leaf until we had nothing left but a pile of empty husks.

All in all a satisfying meal, if a little scary looking. That hairy thing at the top is called the choke and is actually at the very center of the vegetable, right above the heart. Don't try to eat it, you'll poke yourself as it's sharp and pointy.

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We've got the ick!

on June 19 2006 at 09:54 AM by: Andy Matthews

File under: Noelle Jordan, Andy, Jaime

So the whole Matthews household has the plague. If it gets any worse we're going to have to burn our bedding and make sure that any household rats don't get out into the general population.

Okay, okay. So it's not quite that bad, but I've got a stuffed up nose, sore throat and I'm tired, Jaime's miserable and just about useless from the drugs and Noelle won't sleep hardly at all (which just contributes to the general sickness around the house).

I used to the be the sort of person that would go into work no matter what, because I didn't want to be one of those people who stayed home because they "stubbed their toe" or something. But over the past few years I've recognized the value in staying home to both rest AND take myself out of circulation.

At ICGLink, my current job, my co-workers and I work in really close proximity to each other which means that anything I get, they'll get, and vice versa. So today, I stayed home for me and for them. That's right...ever so noble...that's me.

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What a difference a week or two makes...

on June 14 2006 at 08:14 AM by: Andy Matthews

File under: General, Noelle Jordan, Andy, Jaime

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